Saturday, June 30, 2012

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming

With all that Banff talk last week, I missed out on two very important features on my blog: "Things I don't understand" and "Thankful Tuesdays." But since I'm better at being confused than thankful, I thought I'd share with you some of the things that have had me scratching my head this past week. I'm sure you can wait 'til Tuesday for me to get my thank on, right?

So, here are some things I just don't understand:

1. Slow walkers. Words cannot even describe how much I despise slow walkers. I am a fast walker. I don't drag my feet. I don't doddle. I don't just go for a leisurely stroll. Even when I don't have a destination in mind, I walk with a purpose. So, people who walk at a snails pace make me want to FLIP OUT. Honest to goodness, while we were in Banff, I was at my wits end. I easily could have punched someone in the back of the head. EASILY. I'm proud to say I didn't, but I could have.

2. Tourist t-shirts. So we went to Banff. Have I mentioned that yet? And while we were there, Ian went on the hunt for tacky tourist t-shirts that misrepresent Canada. Usually that entails putting Jasper, Alberta under a photo of a polar bear. If you're not from Canada, polar bears don't live in the southern provinces, nor do they live in the southern part of the Northwest Territories. So putting a polar bear on a shirt from a Jasper is just ridiculous and stupid. Not quite as stupid, though, as the above shirt. You see that shirt depicts lions and beneath it it says, "Banff Canada". Yup. That's right, lions... in Banff. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!

3. Hoarders. Not the television show. I totally get why people watch it. It's quality entertainment. What I don't understand is how people can live as hoarders. If there is one thing out of place in my living room, I have to put it back or I'll dwell on it. If the garbage is full, I have to take it out. If my laundry basket is full, I have to do laundry. And on top of all that, I hate having tons of stuff. It weighs you down. It's more to sell or throw out or give away before you move. Who wants that extra work and responsibility? Not this girl. Clean and simplistic is the way to go!


4. Dirty glasses. Wearing glasses has made me realize just how much I touch my face. I would never have known before, but now, I have smudges to prove it. I seriously clean my lenses like five times a day. I think that's a lot. Is it? Either way, it's gross and I don't understand why there's so much face touching going on.

5. Over posters. You know the people who post 30,000 articles, videos and statuses on Facebook each day. Why can't they just get Twitter? That way, I don't have to be a jerk and un-friend them.
A message to over-sharers:
"I'm sick of reading your opinion, Man. Just quit it. Stop taking up my entire news feed and start spamming Twitter. I have other friends too, you know, and they might have important things going on, like pregnancy and wedding updates. Goodness knows those are my favourite! Missing one could totally ruin my day. So, please, keep your Facebooking to a minimum and let me enjoy the weekly belly-bump photos. Thanks a bunch."

That's all for now, folks. I hope you enjoyed this week's edition. And if you didn't, I'll assume you're a slow walking hoarder who over-shares on Facebook. Amiright?

**I'm off on a spontaneous road trip to Kelowna. See all of you again on Tuesday. If you're Canadian, I hope you have a wonderful long weekend, and if you're not, have fun at work on Monday!**


  1. hahahhahaha. spot on! I like that your wit is set to 'extra dry'.. like a fine wine, really. I'm with you on all these points.. and as a glasses wearer - HEAR you loud and clear - tho I blame my husband for having the 'greasy face' every time my glasses seem smeared! ;o)
    needle and nest design

  2. Slow walkers drive me CRAZY. Especially now that I haven't lived in a city for a long time -- going to a busy mall filled with lollygaggers makes me punchy.

  3. i'm a slow walker! that's just my natural pace. i'm not dragging my feet or purposefully being leisurely. what annoys me is when i'm walking with fast walkers (i don't really care if they pass me), especially when they're walking with me because they never slow their pace. so i have to up mine and that goes in the i'm working out cardio zone, and i start sweating. it's really not hard to walk leisurely somewhere especially if you give yourself enough time. how is walking fast walking with a purpose?!

  4. you are hilarious! These are great points, thanks for sharing. :) I hate, hate hate it when I get stuck behind slow walkers as well; I get all antsy inside and my heartrate goes up, I swear! ha!

  5. Hahaha the dirty glasses! Having worn glasses since I was 8, it was only when I got contacts that I realised how much I touch my face. It took a very long time to stop spontaneously poking myself in the eye! That was a hard lesson to learn.


  6. so i've always been a fast walker..but there is this lady at my work and she makes me feel like a slow walker. she walks with a definite purpose. she even leans into her fast walk and her arms swing all over the place. it's insane. my friend and i take our breaks together when we have to go into the office and one day she walked up so close behind us it was uncomfortable. i actually looked at him with the "oh my goodness!" look and we stepped aside and let her pass us by. once she got a safe (hopefully unhearable) distance i burst out laughing. like i said i have always been a fast walker - sometimes i weave in and out around people because i'm always on a mission. but this lady - she put my walking skills to shame!

    ps over posters on facebook suck poppy-cock. its one of the main reasons i never go on there anymore. i don't need to know that you just woke up, or are going to bed now, or just peed. do i care? no. so stop posting about it!

  7. Oh my god, #1. Slow walkers. ALMOST as bad as the group of oblivious assholes who take up the whole sidewalk and refuse to break their little group blockage for anyone walking around them. I can't -- I can't even -- (head explosion!)

    Kayla ☆

  8. I'm also a fast walker, so I know how irritating it can be! Haha. Cool post :)

  9. HA! I love all of these. I am totally a fast walker (my new best friend isn't, and it's kind of driving me crazy!)

    Ah yes. Dirty glasses. You & my husband would be fighting over the microfibre cloth all day long!

    I live a very cluttered life...I've tried to simplify, but I just don't think it's possible for me.

  10. aww Banff!! It cracks me up they made a place in Canada called Banff :) You should visit the place it was named after - Banff and Buchan, nice wee fishing towns ! (I currently live not too far from them)