Monday, July 30, 2012

Things I don't understand: 50 Shades of Grey edition


First, I have to admit I haven't read the entire trilogy. In fact, I'm only halfway through the first book. But even after being about 10 pages in, I knew I was going to hate everything about Fifty Shades of Grey. And now that I'm a couple hundred pages in, I hate it even more that I thought was possible.

How, ladies, are these books No. 1 bestsellers? How? I don't understand!

What's with Christian and Ana constantly saying each others' names? Seriously, do they need to remind the other who they are every sentence? And don't even get me started on the dialogue between the two. It is just so ridiculous and unrealistic. But I have to say, the thing I hate the absolute most is Ana's inner monologue. Reading her thoughts seriously makes me want to punch myself in the face. Who the hell thinks, "Oh my!" during half of the things that happen in the book? I think my thoughts might just be a little more "WTF?" and "Get me the hell out of here" than "Oh my!" But hey, that's just me.

To be honest, while reading this book, I thought it was written by a man. I thought some dude took it upon himself to write an erotic book for women, assuming he knows what women are into. But no, it's written by a woman. Now, don't get me wrong, I get that every woman isn't into the same things, and all the power to the women who are into dominant/submissive role play. But for this little lady, the book was just so ridiculous that there was absolutely nothing erotic about it. I found myself rolling my eyes at the characters, the plot, the dialogue, the inner monologue, and basically everything else. I mean, could Christian smirk any more? I swear that word must have been used 1,000 times. (Excuse me, E.L. James, but maybe it's time to purchase a thesaurus.)

When I picked this book up at Chapters, I didn't really know what it was. I had just seen the title all over the interwebs and I had had a woman reference it in real life, so I figured it was time I read it. When I came out of the shop, Ian, who knew more about it than I did, asked me if I realized I had just bought smut. And honestly, I didn't know. But now, here I am reading my first smut book (aside from Catarina in Charge, which Ian and I read to each other while drinking beers and laughing on top of Tin Can Hill last year). I must say, although women are the main audience for these books, I don't think I'm the kind of woman that can take them seriously enough to experience the desired effects.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, I just don't get erotic novels.

How about you? What did you think of 50 Shades of Grey?


  1. I've never read it but I only hear awful things! Like the writing is HORRENDOUS! So i'm pretty sure I can't bring myself to open it up, even if it is a best seller...

  2. I am absolutely with you on this one. Interesting fact: 50 Shades of Grey was originally written as a twilight fan fiction. Every reference to vampires was removed and the names 'Edward and Bella' were changed. EL James herself admits she is a terrible novelist and has no idea how this has happened. World=crazy.

  3. Haha this is hilarious! "Maybe it's time to purchase a thesaurus"!! I love it!

    I've read some extracts and it seems absolutely dire. Oh my goodness! I have no desire to ever read it.


  4. I read all three books after a few people said it was good. I was curious since I had a feeling we didn't have the same tastes in books ha! I ignored everything that you said and just let it slide. Writing was terrible, made me laugh, etc. A particular scene = WTF.

    I went ahead and read the other two books but not for the smut. It took a turn away from the "S&M" and that was somewhat interesting. Being vague if you want to read that! It's barely a dip into S&M. Unrealistic fantasy so of course others will eat that up.

  5. Oh God, exactly my feelings. I was wondering if people ACTUALLY do that. I mean, calling your boyfriend by their last name? Wtf? Plus, I thought she'd run away and hide in Antarctica or something after he took her to the red room of pain- or whatever it was called. It was thorough torture. But I'm a compulsive reader and I FINISHED IT..

  6. Smut is the most hilarious thing in the world. I read some sort of smut novel for about 30 minutes yeeeears ago aloud at a high school party and we all laughed over it until we hurt. Thank you for subjecting yourself to such a horrid book so I could get some insight into it without having to read it myself. :P

  7. I actually love a good erotica book, but I haven't read 50 Shades and I don't think I will. Some of my favorite books are considered "erotic"--namely, the book "Written on the Body" by Jeanette Winterson. Incredibly beautiful book with a genderless narrator, which makes it even more interesting. I think reading about sex and romance is perfectly fine but there are much better options out there.

  8. I've read a few passages and COULD NOT BELIEVE it was written by a woman. So terrible. This review from good reads perfectly describes my feelings about this book.

  9. lol, i totally feel the same way. but i'm too invested in it now, i can't turn back.

    no way i'm reading the rest of the trilogy too, if i see one more "oh my" i might burn the book.

    no joke.

    love the blog too girl! keep 'em comin'!

    love, rach.

  10. I pretty much refuse to read these books -- I don't have enough time to read as is so I don't want to waste it on this!

  11. I hate to say it and be "that" person, but whenever a book is crazy-popular like these are, they almost always turn out to be no good. I learned my lesson with The DaVinci Code and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books. The plot holes...don't even get me started on the plot holes! Thanks for confirming my suspicions!


  12. uhhh, if you think this is bad, then whatever you do don't read the bared to you books.'


  13. Thank you! Since when can a cleverly packaged romance novel become a best seller?! Just because Fabio's not on the cover doesn't mean it's not ridiculous.

  14. I will NEVER EVER READ these books. Not just because the writing is supposed to be horrible (it's Twilight fan fiction, so what were people expecting?). I have heard that it is pretty much glorification of an abusive relationship. And when people tell me that I should read it before making up my mind about it, well, I don't need to waste my time with this crap to know I'm not going to like it. I'm pretty smart that way.

    It's sad to me that women everywhere have taken this and the story of weak, insipid Bella as inspiring! What!?!? Ladies! Haven't we outgrown this crap? Let's find stories with strong, amazing AMAZON heroines! Kicking butt and taking names! And writing that truly is beautiful and amazing and makes your whole heart and head feel full.

    Wow...that was a bit of a rant. Sorry! I'm going to go back to my quiet life reading sci-fi & Jane Austen...

  15. I refuse to read the books, even though I've had copies emailed to me.

    Here's a review you might enjoy about it! My personal favourite was the creepy Ronald McDonald meme.