Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A life lesson


All things bacon flavoured should steer clear of your mouth. That's right, put the simulated bacon bits down, my friends. Why? Because it's sacrilege to eat that junk. Bacon, the real stuff, is a gift from the holy pig gods, so eating the fake stuff is like a vicious slap in the ass for those porkers. They just don't like it. Plus, no matter what it is, you'll regret eating something that is only vaguely reminiscent of the glory that is bacon. I mean, bacon flavouring is gross, guys. It doesn't taste anything like the glorious, greasy, salty goodness it's supposed to.

To top it all off, in the news today, it turns out it was maple bacon jam that got all those cronut eating wackos sick at the CNE last week. So there you have it, fake bacon products at it again.

Save yourself the misery and just eat bacon, won't you?

**This post includes only my own views. I was not asked to rave about the deliciousness that is bacon by any bacon manufacturers or pig farmers, although I did see the holy pig gods in a dream last night.**

7 comments:

  1. I bought a "bacon" spread at the grocery store the other day. For grilled cheese, and maybe just eating with a spoon when I am feeling down. Please don't judge me.

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  2. Hahahahaha this is the greatest post ever. I don't think I've ever even bothered with fake bacon of any sort for that exact reason! I had a thing of bacon salt given to me at Christmas one year and that was surprisingly pretty awesome, but in general... Screw facon! (I always hated simulated bacon bits and their lackluster taste.)

    Though now I really want maple bacon salt water taffy cause holy hell that would probably be awesome[ if made with actual bacon].

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  3. I love bacon jam... Only made with real bacon. Does that count?

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  4. I used to buy those packaged bacon bits for salads years and years ago. I tried some again a few months ago and was totally disgusted. How did I ever eat that stuff?!

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  5. I miss bacon!! :( :( :( It is my biggest temptation since adopting a vegetarian diet a few years ago. I have a serious pork weakness. And when I say pork, I mean PORK, not mechanically-separated-"pork"-parts or pork-flavored whoknowswhats. I grew up with beer-drinkin', Nascar-watchin', real-meat-barbecuing-all-damn-day carnivores...!

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  6. You, are funny. And that taffy looks disgusting. I love bacon, and I'm a vegetarian...twas my fav meat.

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  7. P.S. My bacon spread tastes delicious in my potato salad, thank you very much. Not as good as the real thing, of course, but much less messy and time-consuming.

    Love you...more bacon posts please!

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