Friday, March 14, 2014

"Things I don't understand" makes a comeback

If you've been hanging around these parts for awhile, you might recall this little series of mine. It's something I created in order to deal with the frustrations and "are you effing kidding moments" that happen every day. Although I haven't written one in awhile, that's not to say those moments and frustrations have ceased to exist. In fact, they have been alive and well. So, here for you today, are a few of the things that have recently had me shaking my head in total confusion.

Things I don't understand...

1. People who each and every day feel the need to spam my social media feeds with photos of their children. Even worse than that, people who then write a status update as their children. Tell me you've seen this! "I had the best time with Grandma today! Thanks for the bath and the cuddles. I love you!" Um, excuse me, but I'm pretty sure that three-month-old has never spoken a word in its life and I'm almost certain it hasn't figured out how to type. So, seriously, parents, quit it. Just cut it right the hell out. Now, to be fair, I am honestly stoked for all of my friends with babies—(and I thank Mother Nature every day that I'm not one of you)—but after the fifth photo of the day, I lose my enthusiasm and I just get downright annoyed. I know you think I do, but I really don't need to be right there with you through each and every outfit change. One photo a day would suffice. Please, just take as many pictures as you like and then, at the end of the day—preferably when I'm already in bed—post your favourite. If I saw one a day, I'm sure I could muster up the finger power it takes to "like" your photo or even comment. But when you take it to the next level and force me to see your child every hour on the hour—yes, I'm on Facebook that often... but this isn't about me!—I will lose interest and I will become annoyed and I'll start thinking "are you fucking kidding me" and then I'll end up ranting and raving about you on my blog. Do you really want that? Do you?
2. I don't understand what goes through a person's mind when they stop you on the street, realize you've just been to the dentist, see that you're drooling all of yourself and and then, rather than saying, "Oh, there, there, sweetie. You go home and rest." they proceed with the conversation. This seriously happened to me a little while back. I was a frozen mess, I was in pain, I was hiding behind a massive scarf and I was power walking back to my office to pick up my things and go home. But, before I could get there, a lovely community member stopped me and asked, "Are you in a rush?" Unable to speak, I gestured to my face and, without a doubt, she picked up what I was putting down. She even gave me a sympathetic head tilt. But, then, rather than letting me go on my way, she carried on for the next 10 minutes! Like, what the hell, bro? Put the shoe on the other foot for just a second, would you? If you had bloody droll dripping down your chin and you were stopped in the middle of downtown Jasper for a chat—but you can't talk because the gauze in your mouth is so monstrous—would you want to listen to someone else yammer on and on? I think not! So, please, next time, back the hell off and let me go home to my popsicles and Project Runway. I promise to do you the same courtesy if I ever catch you in such a predicament.

3. How could a plane just disappear. Like, poof! Now you see it, now you don't styles. It just doesn't make sense. Considering the amount of technology we have these days, shouldn't we have some sort of doohickey to tell us where this massive projectile ended up? I'm seriously so baffled by this story. I don't understand how we don't have a GPS system or SOMETHING. And, how, in that small piece of water have we not found a single piece of the plane? Where the hell did it go? I need to know! The suspense is killing me!

What's been making you say "WTF" lately? I'd love to know.


  1. I totally agree on the parent thing. I also get really annoyed with people who write blog posts in their children's "voice" ("My Mommy sure doesn't like when I don't eat my vegetables!") or in their dog or cat's "voice." Rob and I have talked a lot about how we will approach social media when our baby is born and for the most part we'd like to keep her off.

    Side note: If you aren't already reading it, check out I think you will enjoy it.

  2. YESSSSSSS THESE ARE MY FAVORITES. I think that's actually how I first found you, through Kaylanaut referencing your anti-cat post. Also I totally agree with you about baby photos, although the few moms on my facebook friend list are pretty chill about it. I cap out my tolerance at around 3 photos each per week per kid, and they rarely go over that. I know when I have my own offspring I want to keep them off of social media for the most part and I hope I have friends who give me a nudge in that direction if I ever forget and go crazy.

  3. #3 - i think someone is fucking with us and making a real life version of "Lost"


  4. I am totally with you on the Facebook/kid thing. I LOVE my friends kids, they are all awesome little people, but I do not need to see that 45 photos posted of them from their "at home mommy photo" shoot and I really don't care when they move from formula to solids.

    As for the plane disappearing, someone needs to just call JJ Abrams to sort the whole mess out.

  5. baha... I was just thinking of you the other day and how these posts used to be such a riot - glad to see a comeback! Should I apologize for posting pics of our kids... haha?! Too bad, they're too cute.. muahahah. But I hear you - it's totally annoying to everyone else but the parent who thinks they are gushing as much as else in the world over their kid! ;o)
    Any way.. I should probably get back on facebook and post some more pics...
    needle and nest